girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You dont lie about slip and slides
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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