You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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