i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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