I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I understand Curling. That high.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
