Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
