is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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