i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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