Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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