I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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