Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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