he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
