i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
