I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
