so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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