It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
