No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
