Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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