I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
