It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize