okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
