we have officially lost it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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