He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
