Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
