haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I believe in your delicious
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
