After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
