My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize