During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
