I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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