also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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