She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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