when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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