I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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