I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
