you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
