When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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