you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Alive.
So much puke
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
