When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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