how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
