Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We named our party play list daddy issues
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
