Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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