I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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