I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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