I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
