Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
