Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
