You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
