I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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