thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
