apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
