How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
two words: eviction party
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
