I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
