I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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