I smell stomach acid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
