I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Holy sore nipples Batman
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
