That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
