get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
