Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
