Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
