why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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