found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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