I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
