If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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