Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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