Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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