i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
