you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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