I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
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Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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