I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
