the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.