wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen