Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?