ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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