i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
