Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
